


To Heal

by writer_roha



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 01:18:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14249952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writer_roha/pseuds/writer_roha
Summary: the bane of your existence walks in 3 years later, only this time his hair is red.





	To Heal

**Author's Note:**

> a lil sad..but not like..Terrible

it wasn't always this bad. once upon a time, you were the dream couple. two halves of one amazing whole. jinwoo was the bright star that lit up your nights and kept you grounded. you were his sweet sunbeam that warmed his heart and made him smile.

you weren't sure when it changed. it wasn't as if there was one single incident that led to your downfall: there were many events to choose from, any one of them could have been the catalyst that began the painful death of your once beloved relationship. you couldn't place when it was, but it didn't take long for you to notice that things were not as they used to be. perhaps it was time that spoiled it all. or maybe it was the stress of work. or maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

jinwoo's eyes became empty, his smiles turned distant, and his kisses seldom touched you. the smallest thing would spark a week long fight. and the largest things would go ignored. 

jinwoo's lips, which you were once obessessed with now spat terrible insults. his once adorable eyes would no longer meet your own. his deep, once warm voice had turned bitter and cold.

days became weeks which then became months. you never said it aloud, but you hated him. and in all honesty, you were pretty sure he hated you just as much. but for some foolish reason, you stayed together. perhaps it was simply a desperate attempt to maintain normalcy, or maybe it was a stubborn and arrogant act to see who would budge first; who was the weaker one between the two of you. 

you hated him. you were sure. every time you looked at him, all you felt was anger or resentment. it was all his fault your relationship was so terrible. his rash comments and impulsiveness was at fault. if he just listened for once, then you wouldn't be in this predicament. you hated him. you absolutely hated him.

so why did it hurt so much when you saw him in the embrace of another woman?

it wasn't something you were supposed to see. jinwoo had forgotten his lunch at home, so you decided you'd drop it off at his office while on the way to your own work. this way you'd avoid a potential fight later in the day. you'd had so many that it became predictable.

your mind was pondering what you would say when you stepped into his office to deliver his meal. would you say something icy and provoking? or perhaps nothing at all? a third option weighed on your mind as you opened the door. but you couldn't get to it as all that came from your mouth when you entered the room was a startled gasp. 

you didn't know why you were surprised. the thought that he had moved on crossed your mind every once in a while. you were sure that such a sight would only make you smug, as that would prove his weakness.

instead, it just hurt. it hurt terribly. you couldn't muster the strength to move, so there you sat, dumbstruck and trembling, completely unable to stop the tears. this was inevitable, you told yourself, but it did nothing to cease the hammering of your heart. it began to hurt all the more when jinwoo looked up from the woman in his arms and made eye contact with you. as hard as you looked, you found no trace of remorse in his eyes. he didn't even have the decency to look guilty.

"do you need something?" he raised an annoyed eyebrow, startling both you and the unknown woman. the woman straightened herself immediately and peered at you ashamedly. jinwoo patted her back to tell her that you were not something to worry about.

you could feel your legs beginning to work again. "you left your lunch at home," you replied promptly, wiping the embarrassing snot from your nose and leaving the bag by the door before trudging out. 

you went home swiftly, crying all the way. you felt ashamed, and for once, you weren't at fault. you had convinced yourself that you hated him, through and through, but in truth, you loved him more than anything. loved him more than he loved you. and oh, how it made you ache. you missed him, but there was nothing to be done. 

you didn't know how you managed to believe that you hated him. you should've known. those lips that hissed angry words, those eyes that would not meet your's, that voice that froze your insides; they hurt you, but it didn't change that you found them beautiful and intoxicating.

you packed your bags in record time. there was no way in hell you'd let yourself be there when jinwoo returned from work. you knew you'd probably just cry again. it felt a bit stupid, but the best course of action was probably to move back in with your parents. they owned a bakery so maybe they'd let you work there. you were 24 and here you were running back to your parents with your tail between your legs. at least it was on the other side of the city, so the chances of seeing jinwoo ever again were slim, that put your mind at ease.

it took two weeks for jinwoo to even text you. you doubted he even took notice of your absence till that moment. he asked where you were and said he wished to speak. you didn't reply. it was over. if you let yourself see him, you knew you'd fall for him all over again. but he hurt you and your relationship wasn't healthy. this was for the best.

he even visited your parents somewhere along the way. but you had already explained the whole situation to them and they gladly lied for you, telling jinwoo you moved to a different city. for that you were grateful. you loved him, but some things just weren't meant to be. 

 

three years had passed. you hadn't seen jinwoo at all since his visit to your house. you knew him to be someone to never give up, but you also knew that he probably didn't love you anymore, so it would be a waste of time to continue searching. 

you had since taken over your parents' bakery. they claimed that they were too old to run the place, but in truth you knew that they were in perfect health; they were just eager to retire and pass the business on to their beloved daughter. at one time, you and jinwoo had discussed taking over the bakery together and then passing it on to your own children. but that dream had long since perished. yet another thing that was just not meant to be.

you had not dated since jinwoo. on the surface, you told yourself that you were content with yourself and running the bakery took all your energy. however, deep down you knew that your heart would never pound for another person. every time anyone took any interest in you, you couldn't stop yourself from comparing them to jinwoo. they just didn't measure up. 

it made you utterly miserable. jinwoo would never be your's ever again, but the subconscious hope never died off.

you had somehow come to terms with spending the rest of your life alone when in walked the bane of your existence; only this time, his hair was red.

"coffee; black please, and a sugar cookie," the rumbling voice said, causing you to whip around.

"r-right away," you didn't need to look up to know who it was, so you didn't. you didn't want to see him.

"y/n," he called.

"i'll have your order ready as soon as possible, sir," your hands trembled as you poured the rich dark liquid into the to-go cup.

"please," jinwoo pleaded, "look at me." 

"it's on the house," you forced out, all but slamming his coffee and cookie onto the counter, "never come back."

"don't do this," he whispered, and finally you let your eyes meet his. you couldn't read them, not as well as you used to. but emotion was swimming in his eyes. yearning.

"get out!" you screamed, "i don't want to see you! ever!" 

you were thankful that there were no customers at the moment. you hated when people saw this ugly side of you that jinwoo never failed to coax out.

"i'll be back tomorrow," he said solemnly, taking his food in hand and turning to go.

"don't you dare,"

the door jingled airily as he stepped out, and you let yourself collapse, sliding down the wall to cry on the floor. this couldn't be happening. not again.

 

surely enough, jinwoo appeared the next day. he was wearing jeans and a warm sweater. it was drizzling outside so he seemed a bit damp as he walked in, shaking the water droplets from his hair. he was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen.

the bakery was empty again. perhaps he had planned it that way.

"coffee please," he requested, "and a piece of the strawberry roll cake." 

"there's another bakery 2 blocks away," you muttered, already preparing the redhead's order.

"they don't have what i want," 

"and what is that?"

"you," he breathed.

you slid his order across the counter, trying your best to maintain a calm composure. "please don't come back," you begged quietly, "i can't do this."

"i know you're stronger than that," he said quietly, tracing the rim of his coffee mug with an absentminded thumb, "i just want to talk."

"there's nothing to talk about," you noticed that you had prepared him a stay-in cup and plate without thinking. 

"today is one of your slow days," jinwoo began, "just lend me this afternoon. that's all i ask."

"how do you know that?" 

"i've waited for three years," he shrugged slowly, pulling up one of the stools to sit across from you. he rested his chin in his palm and looked at you with warmth you needed three years ago. you weren't so sure how much you needed it now.

"one afternoon," you gave in, "then you leave me for good."

"okay,"

 

jinwoo no longer worked as an accountant. well that's what he said anyway. it made him miserable, he said.

he was a potter now. he worked from home, he even installed a kiln and everything in the garage. he still lived in the same house you left him in. he claimed that he missed you, and after moments of searching, it angered you that you could find no trace of a lie.

"tell me how you've been then," jinwoo was finished his first cup of coffee, so you poured him a second; decaf.

"if all you wanted was small talk, why didn't you speak to someone else?" you jabbed.

"this isn't small talk," he tensed a bit, and a small bit of you cheered in victory. you wanted him angry. you wanted his terrible mean streak to rear it's ugly head and make you feel better about the whole situation. you needed to see that he had not changed one bit. "i want to know how you've been." he took a deep breath to calm himself and it angered you.

"i'm fine," you sighed, sinking into your seat across from him.

"do your parent's still own the bakery?" he pressed on with a smile.

"it's mine now," 

"oh that's good," he paused, "i remember when we had a plan to inherit the bakery and give it to our kids."

"jinwoo, don't," you glowered. the last thing you needed was jinwoo dredging up old memories.

"you're right, i'm sorry," he said sheepishly, "i'm glad you got the bakery, i knew how much you loved it."

you hated that jinwoo was trying to appeal to you with how much he knew you. of course he knew you. but you wish he didn't. 

jinwoo patiently coaxed answers out of you about small things that had happened; nothing too deep. he knew that now was definitely the time to tread carefully. he asked if you had done anything other than manage the bakery, and you said no. in three years you had brought new pastries to the store, but jinwoo didn't need to know. he asked where you lived. to this you said, "alone." the conversation remained fairly light for two hours.

"are you still single?" jinwoo asked out of the blue, almost jokingly, "has there been anyone since me?"

you froze. "i'm sorry. you.. you should leave. now," you stood up from your seat.

"sit, please," he said earnestly, "whatever the answer is, it's okay. i haven't been with anyone since you, if it makes you feel any better."

"the last person you were with was that woman, not me," you said icily.

jinwoo deflated. "that meant nothing to me, surely you know that. i lost my way. i was angry and i lashed out, but you were always all that ever mattered to me," he peered up at you, searching for a way in.

you hated that you knew jinwoo just as well as he knew you. he wasn't lying. "why did you come here?" you asked abruptly, "why? why wait three years? why now?" you sat yourself back down and stared daggers at him.

"to heal," he whispered.

"what?" 

"i wanted to give you time to heal," he mumbled, "i took time to better myself. i wasn't in a state that was good enough for you, so i took time. after i fixed myself, i found you, and i waited."

"who," your breath caught in your throat, and you tried desperately to swallow it down and put on a strong face, "who gave you the right? i don't need you! if you were really a better person, then you would have just let me be!" by now, your head was bowed to hide your tears and you were gripping your thighs tightly to try to stop them from shaking.

"i love you, why would i ever let you go?" he said slowly.

"because you hurt me! our relationship was poison, and you know it," 

"but don't you remember how good we were before things went bad? we could do anything! i want that back, y/n. i want it back so bad," he pleaded. you were aware how amazing the two of you fit together before the fighting started. you were so in love back then.

"of course i remember!" you cried, "but we were young and we didn't know anything! but we do now, and it's clear that we're not meant to be!"

"tell me you don't love me then," jinwoo said calmly, "tell me that you feel nothing for me, and i'll go then."

you buried your face in your hands tiredly. "you know i can't," you sighed, "of course i still love you. but i don't want to hurt anymore, i'm sick of it, jinwoo."

"i won't hurt you anymore," jinwoo pleaded. he had finished the second coffee.

"yes you will," you shook your head.

"i'm different now," 

"how?" you exclaimed, slamming your palm on the table. you wanted him out. 

jinwoo took a breath, "i don't drink anymore. i see a counselor from time to time. i lessened my work load to ease my stress. believe me, i've worked to change because i want this so, so bad. i want you."

you were taken aback. the jinwoo you knew was full of empty promises, but the tone of his voice told you that this was all truth, through and through. "jinwoo, i love you. i'll probably love you forever," you began, "but i just can't trust you. i can't. maybe things will go as good as you say, but the chance that maybe it won't scares me. i don't know what i'd do if i have to go through that pain a second time. i won't do that to myself, jinwoo. i won't."

"then we'll take it slow. i'll really show you that i can make this work," he offered, "if things don't go exactly how you want then we can stop, and i'll let you go for good. if i hurt you even in the slightest, then you can leave me. but i won't hurt you. i promise."

you hated that you could feel yourself succumbing to his words again. you wanted to believe them to be true, you did, but was this really worth the risk of such severe pain?

"i need time to think," you gave in.

in your peripheral, you could see jinwoo light up just the slightest bit. "take all the time you need," he replied softly, "i'll wait forever for you."

 

jinwoo left once the sun began to set. he didn't lean in for a kiss, nor did he even try to hug you; he knew. he wished you a good day and said he'd be back the next day for more coffee. it could've been wishful thinking, but you swore you heard a quiet 'i love you' as the door swung shut.

the next day, you hated that you felt almost giddy waiting for him. a part of you was eager to make amends and maybe continue on your paths together. 

you waited for him to show up. waited and waited. but he did not show. the hours wound by and your heart began to drop. perhaps jinwoo decided that you were too stubborn to be worth fighting for. you didn't know why you put so much faith in him.

the sun had begun to dip beneath the horizon and closing time was fast approaching. the bakery was empty, so you began to clean up.

the jingle of the bell signaled that someone had entered the store, causing you to turn around, a smile already plastered on your face to help the customer.

it was jinwoo. he was sweaty and heaving for air, and clutching a boquet of pretty purple flowers in his hand. "i'm sorry," he wheezed, "there was a customer that was taking her time browsing my pottery and i couldn't get her leave." jinwoo took a few moments to catch his breath but it was all forced out of him when you hugged him tightly.

"i thought you weren't going to come," you sighed into his chest. you didn't know where all your pent up hate went, as all you felt was relief and love. 

"i would never do that to you," he chuckled a bit, wrapping his own arms around you. you missed this. you remembered how he could make you melt at a simple sentence, you wanted that.

you pulled yourself from his embrace reluctantly. "sorry," you hummed.

"i should be the one that's sorry, i made you wait," he passed the boquet to to you gingerly.

"it's okay,"

"can i," jinwoo gulped, "can i take you out after you close up? maybe for dinner?"

"alright,"

 

and so you went out with jinwoo for the first time in three years. and then you went out with him a second, a third, then a fourth time. eventually you lost count.

jinwoo did not lie. he didn't hurt you, not even once. in fact, he was more patient and kind than he was when you first met him. it took weeks for him to even kiss you. at first you were afraid that perhaps he didn't like you, but once you nervously asked, he was quick to answer saying, "i didn't want to scare you." 

so instead, you kissed him. his brain must have turned to mush, because he couldn't even look at you for hours as he was blushing far too much. however, after the first kiss, you couldn't stop jinwoo from showering you in kisses whenever he could.

 

you had been back together with jinwoo for five months, but you found that he was still walking on eggshells. sure, he kissed you always and loved you tenderly in a way you never thought to be possible. maybe you were just being selfish, but sometimes it felt like jinwoo treated you as if he was afraid you'd break at any moment. this was probably your fault, looking back on how callously you had treated him when he walked into the bakery the first time. but you had your reasons.

you thought time would peel away jinwoo's ever-present cautiousness. but it didn't.

"jinwoo?" you asked, looking at him from across the counter.

"yes, my darling?" he replied absentmindedly, not looking up from the pastry display case that he was meticulously rearranging. on his free days, jinwoo had taken on helping you at the bakery when he could. it certainly made your days more fun. 

"you know," you mused, unsure of where to start, "you know i won't break right? i know you won't hurt me because the past is the past."

jinwoo stopped organizing the shelf and turned to you. slowly, he walked towards you, taking your hands into his own and resting a tired head on your shoulder. "i hear you, and i understand," he sighed and began to tremble slightly, "but i'm just scared y/n. i'm so scared. i know you love me, but i'm so, so afraid of losing you again, so i end up acting the way i do."

you had spun up every possibility you could think of as to why jinwoo treated you like this, but this hadn't even crossed your mind. "thank you for telling me how you feel. i won't leave you, honey. i promise. but i don't want you to hold anything back okay? you can treat me normally, i think i can take it," you chuckled a bit, letting your fingers run through his deep red locks. 

"okay," jinwoo sniffed a bit; he was always the crybaby between the two of you. "i can treat you how i want then? no holds barred?" he lifted his head to look into your eyes sincerely.

"should i be scared?" you snickered, rubbing your thumbs across his cheeks to wipe away the stray tears. 

"i don't think so," he smiled, "but i just want to say that i love you more than anything and i never apologized for cheating on you. i was too scared to bring it up because i didn't want to remind you how terrible i was to you. but i want to tell you now that i'll spend my life trying to make it up to you if that's what it takes."

"oh jinwoo," you sighed, "i forgave you a long time ago. you made a mistake, and god knows i made more than my share of those when we were together. you've changed since then, so there's no need to apologize at all."

"i love you," he started to tear up again, but you knew these were happy tears.

"i know, you already said that," you kissed him sweetly on the lips, smiling all the while.

"say it back," he whined sweetly.

"i love you, honey," you hummed.

**Author's Note:**

> k ngl cheaters can choke but uh.. this once..doin it for the vine i guess sry scoob


End file.
